“Reality” vs. Escapism

I recently received one of those emails where you have to list 4 things in various categories and I noted that the perosn who sent it to me listed Burn Notice as a current show, when in fact, it's on break until January.  She responded by saying that considering it still a current show was her display of optimism and this eventually led into a rant on reality tv.  I tried not to get carried away, but hey, it's a hot button for me.  I detest reality tv on prinicple.  So here is my response to her:

 

In the time of shows being cancelled before the first season is even finished, I understand you considering a show on break (that still has commercials for new episodes) as still being current.  And don't even get me started on reality tv!!!  Ok, here we go:  First of all, who's freakin reality is it??  I don't know any real people that have lives like that.  And if it is "reality" then why are there writers credited for the show?  And how can there be cameras in the car of some guy asking out one of the main characters for the first time, if it's a surprise????  Yes, that actually happened on The Hills (my friend forced me to watch several episodes under the misguided delusion that I would choose to watch it on my own afterward). 

 

Secondly, has everyone completely forgotten that "reality tv" was created when all of the writers went on strike and no one with an ounce of creativity or common sense was left to come up with something new that had any substance to it??  It was created as a filler for a time period when no one with talent was left to create anything. . . and it's still going.  There are now people that are famous just for being greedy enough to eat cow balls or live in a hut.  There was a happy marriage that was publicly torn apart by cameras and the wife has the audacity that be thankful for the opportunity, because the opportunity that it gave her was to be stinkin rich and very famous.  And still, the American public is enthralled with this crap!  I just don't get it.

 

And people make fun of me because I watch the recreated 90210 about a bunch of spoiled, and extremely stupid, vapid teenagers or a show about a teenage girl who's friend is a witch, she's in love with the good vampire brother (as opposed to the evil vampire brother) and her own brother just had his memory erased so that he doesn't remember his druggie girlfriend turning into a vamp and being staked right in front of him.  I also watch a crime drama where the main character has no social skills and her partner sees Stewie Griffin on a sperm bank tv b/c he has a brain tumor. 

 

And why do I watch such things?  Because there is absolutely no basis in reality whatsoever.  At no point will I ever be watching one of these shows and think, "yeah, I can relate to that" or "hey, that just happened to me last week."  Because the things I watch never happen to real people, but they're not trying to claim that they are real people either!!!!  I can watch these shows, knowing that none of it is even trying to be real, and yet I'm interested enough to get invested in their lives (mainly b/c they're so outlandish and fake) and can take that time to completely forget about anything wrong in my own life. 

 

Books, movies and tv.  These are the avenues of escapism and if I have to see people talking to their children like they're the gum on the underneath of their shoe, and know that this person actually just said that to their child and not a pint size actress that knows it's fake, I think I just might puke.  So go, watch mindless happy endings and be happy, because that is what tv should be all about.  If we can't get happily ever after in own lives, at least we can watch it happen to other people!!!

2012 - The Review

Let me start off by saying that I'm giving this movie a "Theatre" rating (see the bottom of the page for the rating scale definitions), if for no other reason then the special effects.  I feel that all of the doomsday, end-of-the-world movies (i.e. The Day After Tomorrow) tend to have very intense, epic imagery that deserves to be seen on the big screen, and this one does not fail in that category.  Now, in the commercials the only person you really see is John Cusack, but it's got a really interesting cast besides him, including a conspiracy-theory lunatic played by Woody Harrelson, with some strange love of pickles.  The movie itself definitely was one of those edge-of-your-seat type movies, while you anxiously watch to see if they can get past the giant smoke cloud or off the ground before they get sucked into the molten hot magma filled canyons forming throughout Pasadena (Cali, not Maryland).  Even though in the back of your mind you're thinking, "Of course they make it, they're the leading characters!"  Logic never plays a part during these intense moments, if done well, which these were.

 

I also really liked their estimation of how the end of the world would be handled by the government, if it had enough advance warning, which it did in this case. . . sort of.  From selling off seats of safety, to screwing over the laborers that built the ships of salvation, I feel that they accurately portrayed the greedy elitist attitude of some of the people in charge of such a project, while balancing with the idealistic hope of the martyrs that such a situation would hopefully be saved by (not that I feel they need to die, just the fact that some people are idealistic and humanitarians is enough).

 

Of course the end is chock-full of mishaps and near-catastrophes, that somehow all are connected to the main (and important side) characters, as you would expect.  The only criticism I have is that it seemed like a bit much.  I mean, ok, I get that there are going to be problems that heighten the drama at the end, making the result more victorious, but at a certain point even I was noticing how it seemed like a bit much.  I remember thinking "Wow, with all of these things going wrong, I'd sure wish I was in one of the 4-5 other ships that John Cusack wasn't in!"  I won't get into all the goings on, but let's just say that it was a bit much to have it all happen to only one of the ships.  Sure, some of them were chain reactions, but still. 

 

All in all, if that's the only thing I can say seemed a bit much (and please don't come back with anything about how the images of destruction were over the top.  That's what these films are all about, so you have to be impressed with them, rather than criticize them. . . unless they're done poorly, then you can criticize the shit out of them.  But these were done really, really well so we'll just move on), then I have to say it was a pretty good movie all around and I hope you all enjoy it!!

I Want to Take My Freak Flag Down

Freaks love me.  Everyone thinks that all the crazies find them, but in my case it's true.  I even have an explanation for it.  My grandfather was the unique individual that used to actually go out looking for freaks.  He even brought them home to give them tours of the addition my parents built for my grandmother and him.  True story.  My dad came home to find my grandfather showing someone the house, walking through every room.  My dad asked who it was and my grandfather said "I don't know.  I met him at the shopping center behind the house and brought him home to see the place."  The only logical explanation to draw from this is that my grandfather had the freak-gene.  It somehow mutated when passed to my mom, and subsequently me, and now the freaks come find us. 

If you have this gene (the mutated kind), it's very dangerous to be around others with the same aspect.  My friend and I had to stop going to one bar because we couldn't go there without being, essentially, harassed.  In one evening, an albino slammed his drink down next to us and stormed out because we spurned his advances; I was delayed on my way to the bathroom by a group of guys by the foosball table telling me that they went to "Spring Break University" because (as I had learned at that very moment) that's what my t-shirt said; and was cornered by the regular old-drunk-guy for so long that the bartenders gave us money to play the jukebox, just so that they could get rid of old-drunk-guy for us.  This is not to say being with other people make you safer.  Another night (at the same bar) I was invited to play pool by the boyfriend of some girl sitting next to me, just so I didn't attack this guy that kept calling me Clifford (because I reminded him of the big red dog. . . red hair and pigtails are apparently enough to spark such memories).  You can see why I've tried to avoid going back to that bar since the bartender that protected me left.  One of the few times I did go back, my friend and I had to actually leave and go to another bar to get away from my most recent admirer.  Luckily, I've gotten enough practice putting my "Get the hell away from me" face on that I haven't had too many ridiculous experiences like that in a while. . . let's keep our fingers crossed, shall we?

Coffee Shop Hype

So, as you know by my repeditive claims of computer disuse, I don't go online at home very often (mainly b/c the unsecure network that I've always used doesn't seem to be allowing me full access anymore), so I'm sure you're all very proud that I've actually made changes to my page (all by myself I might add!).

Well, yesterday I decided to try to go to Starbucks to go online and actually do all the things on my computer that I never do.  Okay, so this was motivated by my DVR's inability to properly record 2 of my shows and I really just wanted to watch them, but whatever, I finally found the motivation.  So I go to the wretched coffee house (I hate coffee.  Really, really hate it.  Even the smell is disgusting to me) and I order my delicious hazelnut hot chocolate (I highly recommend this by the way) and go to set up my computer.  I even had my headphones so no one else was disturbed by me, I opened up my itunes so that I could listen to music while I set everything up and tried to get started.  Now, keep in mind before I went in I made sure that the window had the little "ATT Wifi" sign, thinking that meant that I could get free internet.

You techies must be laughing at me by now.  Let me just interject now that, first of all, I don't go in coffee shops, I just know that on TV people sit in coffee shops and play on their computers.  Secondly, I clearly have never tried to go online anywhere but my house.  So, as you may have guessed, I open up Explorer, and it gives me login info and differnet options. . . point is, I can't get online without paying for it.  Stupid Starbucks and stupid ATT and stupid coffee houses with their stupid false stereotypes!!!!

So my mom suggested that I go to McDonald's that now offers wifi.  Here's the thing with that.  I feel like when I walk out of places like that I have a thin layer of grease on me, and that's just gross.  Oh, and I also figured that they'd cheat me out of my free internet too.  So I went to my friend's shop and watched my shows on his computer (b/c low and behold their wireless seemed to stop working the moment that I walked into the shop.  Shocker).  While there, I also updated my Shelfari page (the dorkiest, most awesome site ever), and I finally cancelled my eharmony account (Really, what was I thinking??). 

This all took so long I didn't have time to work on this (let's just say that my day today allowed me access to this. . . which it normally doesn't, and we'll leave it at that) and I couldn't use my laptop so I couldn't download music. . . or go through all my emails.  Anyhoo, point is, I finally got to update this (you'll notice I even have the movie rating scale at the bottom of the page!!) and still need access to the freakin internet!!!  If I didn't already hate coffee, I'd boycott that place!!

So uh. . . where am I supposed to go for free internet?  Any suggetions that you guys can give me, your antiquated (I guessed on the spelling for that) blogger, I'd appreciate it!  Oh, and I really hate training classes that you take to get out of the office and the teacher is so slow that after more than 2 hours you're only on page 30 of the training book. . . that has over 160 pages!!!  There's no way I'm getting out early today!!!

UPDATE:  I got an email from Borders telling me that they have free internet, but isn't that dangerous???  Telling me to go to a bookstore and spend tons of time in there??  I never walk out of that place without bags of books. . . so dangerous.

So Long Sweet Pride

Last night I was cutting my friend's hair so he could go out for his birthday and he asked if I would join.  It was already about 8:30p by time he was leaving and I tried to not go, giving the sad but true excuse that I'm totally lame during the week and my pansy-ass requires that I go to bed at 10:30p during the week.  I was already pushing this deadline by the fact that I hadn't eaten dinner, showered, dried my hair or watched 90210 in preparation for my weekly run-down with my cousin (we are so behind on our discussions already!) and I only had 2 hours do such things.  There's no way I can go to a bar and be home in time!  Sad, right?  I sound like a freakin 80 year old, except I'm still capable of holding a hair dryer. 

 

But alas, my friend was very convincing and put his argument in terms that I could not deny, so I got ready and went.  I walk in and immediately run into our mutual friend who I begin to walk in with.  At this time apparently, one of the other boys (okay, I refer to all males as boys b/c, really. . . aren't they all?  No offense, I call all females girls.  That's what we are, girls and boys.  Period.  Yes, I maintain a kindergarten philosophy, but in all fairness, I maintain that level on many aspects of life, not just this one.  But this time it's true.  I may have failed to mention that the birthday boy was turning 22 and there were quite a number of people there that I really doubted their legal ability to be in such an establishment.  Okay, so I'm turning 33 in a week and a half and my perception of youngsters is getting as skewed as all people's do as they grow older). . . Oops, back to the story.  

 

So one of the boys says "Whose that talking to Jake?  She looks like a Hot Mom."  That's right, a Hot Mom.  Now, for most people my age (who actually are moms) this would be a pretty cool compliment.  I, however, do not have children.  The closest I come to being a mom is my friend's children and my little cousins.  But I'm not the Mom-figure.  I'm Nee Nee (pronounced Nay Nay, and don't even get me started on the fact that I spell my own nickname wrong.  It's my nickname, my choice.  Sorry.  Sore subject), the cool cousin that the kids freak out over every time they're told my age and it's not early 20's.  The one that takes my friend's kids on dates and teases that they're my boyfriend and the greatest date I've ever had (not entirely untrue). 

 

Not that being Hot Mom is an insult.  I know in my mind that it was a compliment, but in my heart?  Sigh.  Oh, how the mighty have fallen.  Did you hear that?  That was the sound of my pride being stomped upon.  I feel like one of the Sex and the City girls being stomped down by the young clubbers in a sadly needed reminder of their actual age.  That's what happened to me.  So now I have to remind myself that I am in fact mom-aged, and that this was in fact a compliment.  It was just a heavy-handed one.  I guess the upside is, I can have kids and actually be the Hot Mom!!   Hmm, that may not happen for a while. . . .

Rating Scales, Computer Laziness and Stupidty

Just so you all know, I plan on putting my rating system on this website somewhere that people can see it regularly (as someone told me I can do), but again, I can only do that from home. . . well, not really home anymore b/c the person that I used their wireless internet from must have moved.  So until I actually go through the trouble of grabbing my computer and taking it to some other destination that has free wireless I can use, you'll have to look at previous reviews for the rating system, although it's fairly self-explanatory.  If it really takes a while, I'll occasionally re-copy it into the post.  I wouldn't hold my breath on any of this happening soon (like my eventual personalizing of the page). . . I don't like coffee, so that rules out a #1 excuse to sit in a internet-available establishment. . . and there's a lot of stuff on my dvr.  Maybe one day soon I'll go off about the inequity of good television distribution between seasons.  Oh well, you'll get used to my techno-hatred based laziness.  I've been used to it for years now.  Although I stupidly thought that internet dating would be a good idea.  What was I thinking???  I'll go months without even touching my computer at home!!  Really, that was one of the dumbest ideas I've ever had.  I put that one up there with stepping down onto the swivel chair (yes I actually did this) or agreeing to let my former roommate move in.  Don't even get me started on that one. . .

Couples Retreat Review (slightly sidetracked by my current reading dilema)

I don't know if I'm too cynical, too unattached (for way too long), or just not girly enough (really doubtful on that last one) but I didn't love Couples Retreat as much as everyone else seemed to, or as others expected to.  Maybe I just had too high of expectations. . . no, I purposely try to not get too excited about movies so that I'm not disappointed. 

 

Anyhoo, point is: It was cute, pretty funny (you really have Vince Vaughn to thank for that one) and generally amusing, but my overall feeling of it. . . eh (picture a slight shrug with the "eh").  Now, in all fairness, I've recently found myself uninterested in reading chick-lit (my favorite genre of all times) and have been annoyed with its predictability, common story lines and the trouble people get themselves into by doing stupid things, which really encapsulates the entire chick-lit formula. 

 

Is this temporary (I feel confident I just need to get sick of a different genre in order to get back to it) disinterest in chick-lit influencing my movie tastes too?  I don't think so.  I recently re-watched 27 Dresses and A Walk to Remember and still loved both, so that leaves me to believe that I really just wasn't too impressed with this movie.  Quite a long path to get to such a conclusion, huh?  Get used to it.  That's just how I roll. 

 

My overall conclusion is this:  It's a good date movie.  Something that chicks will find cute enough to "awww" at, and guys will find it funny enough to tolerate the "awww" moments.  They cover the "We've been married too long to remember we love each other" couple, the "We got married so long ago we now hate each other" couple, the "We're so anal retentive we sucked the life out of our marriage" couple and the "Newly divorced sad guy burying his loneliness in a 20 yr old hottie" guy.  I imagine couples will find some aspect of some couple that they relate to and even if they don't. . . hey, it's good entertainment that you and your date should both enjoy.  If you don't have someone you need to find a date movie with, I'd say you can wait for DVD.

Roller Girls Really Whip It!!!!

I went to see Whip It last night and now I have talk myself down from going to find roller skates and setting up cones in my apartment complex.  Seriously, as I'm watching this movie I'm forgetting my klutziness, my complete lack of coordination and my natural born talent for injuring myself in stupid ways (also why I've never gone down a slip & slide. . . too much potential for disaster).  Instead, all I can think about is going fast and checking some chick in the face with my elbow while jumping over a gaggle of girls that have just been taken down by fellow roller girls.  They make it look so fun!  Skating, comic-relief coaches, beer, food fights and violence-crazed teammates with rainbows in her hair. . . who wouldn't want that??  Aside from my unrealistic need to bring the movie to life in my own world (same thing happened when I first saw The Fast and the Furious.  Very dangerous for someone who already hates driving slow), it was generally just a fun and clever movie.   Everyone that went with me enjoyed it and we all seemed to agree that Drew Barrymore's directorial debut was an impressive success.  Considering I see most of the movies I do for free, my real compliment to a movie is to say that I'd be willing to pay to see it (especially since I'm always broke), and I have to say, I'd have paid to see this one!

 

*Overall opinion:  Theatre!  You may wonder if this rating applies to guys too.  Well, that one's actually a tough call.  Since I'm not a guy, I can't answer definitively but I can say that most guys tend to think that chicks in tiny outfits on skates beating the crap out of each other tends to be an appealing concept.  In that respect, yes, still theatre.  There's still the whole "chick falls for rocker guy" element (including a scene in a pool that was really well done and just looked pretty cool), reluctant beauty pageant entries and other "chick stuff," but I think that it's enough for a guy to tolerate.  So in the end, I'd say for guys:  Let's face it, you're never going to voluntarily try to see this on your own or with a group of your guy friends, but if some chick you know wants you to go see it with her, you won't mind.  Or if you want to see it but feel weird going to see it, ask a girl to go with you (Guy Rating:  Theatre (with a girl) or DVD).  I actually employ this method with kids/family/pre-teen movies. . . I borrow my little cousins to justify my attendance at such films.  It totally works.

 

*My rating scale for movies is: Theatre, DVD, Cable, Broadcast Network, or Never.  It's like a 5 star rating scale, but each "star" actually tells you what the movie is worth, rather than being a subjective opinion that not everyone would define the same.  Although, there may be the rare movie that falls into the "Maybe if You're On a Plane and You Forgot Your Book or The Headphones Are Free" category also.

Welcome Here!!

Welcome to my blog!  This is quite possibly the most ironic blog of all time, as I am completely anti-technology.  Okay, maybe not completely, but I certainly have a mutual understanding for forced toleration with technology.  I hate it, because it hates me.  I don’t Facebook or MySpace, I think Twitter is one of the dumbest concepts I’ve ever heard of (even though I’ve never even been to the website) and I’ll go over a month without turning on my computer at home (the whole internet dating thing was a very bad idea for me). 

“So why the hell would you start a blog?” you may ask.  Well, many people have suggested that I start one due to their appreciation of my utterly absurd rants that I go on.  I talk a lot.  I ramble most of the time I talk.  I inherited the ability to make a short story long and a long story longer, and I type like I talk.  This has produced many oddball emails to friends while I’m bored at work and like I said, they encourage me to post them for all to read.  Why anyone would want to read about the crap that comes out of my head, I don’t know, but alas, here we are. 

So moving on with my story, I refused to start a blog because I can’t do it at work and I’m sure as hell not going to take away from my precious dvr time at home for such things.  So the wonderful plan was scrapped along with all of my other wonderful ideas (you’ll get wonderful glimpses into these schemes as we progress) basically out of sheer laziness.  That’s another important feature to know about me.  The reason I’m the “idea” person and not the “follow-through” person really boils down to laziness and a general lack of enthusiasm for actually implementing my plans.  I just like to come up with them, not do them. 

Which again, brings me back to my point (oh yeah, I go off on a lot of tangents too).  I recently went to see a movie (my friend gets free passes to sneak previews so I see a lot of free movies before they come out, which I’ll throw some reviews in for you too), which I called my brother to give him my review of.  He suggested I start a movie review blog, but again I told him the technical difficulties of my starting such a thing.  He recommended a blog where you can email your entries in (I assume it’s the same concept as Twitter, but I prefer not to think of it that way).  I’d never heard of such a possibility, but was greatly intrigued by the idea.  I had to find out if it was possible, but again, I knew I’d never do anything about it.  So, I offered the task to my friend Jill.  Within 5 hours of emails back and forth between work, she has created the glorious site for me (everyone give thanks to Jill for her techie-genius that allows me to do such things. . . she’s also great at finding examples of 80’s garb for Legwarmer shows!!!). 

I expect the background will look like this (whatever it actually looks like) until I can meet up with her to make it reflect me.  Luckily, she knows me well enough that I doubt there are pictures of unicorns or sections for news commentaries. 

Well, I hope this long winded explanation of me and how this site got started hasn’t already turned you off of reading more.  If so, sorry but I did warn you.  If not, YEAH!!!  Welcome to my world!  Until next time, I’ll leave you with a quote my friend said when I made a comment about technology hating me.  It’s my new motto.  “Technology is something that was created for the purpose of ensuring that people younger than you can walk around with the superior attitude and laugh at how stupid you are.”  - Kathy C.